


Are you holding your breath again?

by KULIE



Series: Tell me how do you feel ? Tell me how do you need to heal ? [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bad Love, Band, Break Up, Breath, Complicated - Freeform, Fiction, Friendship, Harry Styles - Freeform, Hate, Home, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Last Chance, Liam Payne - Freeform, London, Los Angeles, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Love, M/M, Music, Niall Horan - Freeform, Rhodes - Freeform, Sad, True Love, Zayn Malik - Freeform, friends - Freeform, larry - Freeform, larry fic, larrystylinson, lyrics, relationship, together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 23:10:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3186764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KULIE/pseuds/KULIE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You’re my favorite person."<br/>Does that ring you a bell ? That’s what you used to tell me and look at us now, four years later and barely talking.</p><p>Or 1 year and a half after their break-up, Harry comes back to Louis. At least he's trying to.</p><p>PART 1- Louis's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are you holding your breath again?

**Author's Note:**

> All thanks to the song "Breathe" by Rhodes.

_"You’re my favorite person."_  
Does that ring you a bell ? That’s what you used to tell me and look at us now, four years later and barely talking.

No more Harry&Louis, no more Haz&Lou and all the shit everyone used to say.  
Just Harry fucking in love Styles living the dream in L.A and Louis fucking sad Tomlinson being all moody in England. How fun is that ?

I still can’t believe you and all your selfish moves.  
You used to be so different Haz. All generous and lovely.  
You always was my hell, always was my dream. And nothing in between. How did you do that ?

And here you are, in front of me, in front of my house. Back from Los Angeles. Back in London. Back in my life.  
1 year and a half later. Who do you think you are ?  
What silly game do you think you are playing ?  
You broke up with me remember.  
More than that, you broke me Harry.

 _"Come on, It’s been a while. Just a couple of drinks !"_ you're telling me this like nothing happened.  
The fact is, everything changed. And I know you Haz. I know what you’re trying to do and guess what ? It is working. As usual.

 _"Just to remember the good time."_  
I don’t think you realize how much you are hurting me by saying this. Does that mean we don’t have fun together anymore ?  
Who am i kidding. I know we don’t. What a shame Haz. We used to be so good together. Always there for each other, always trying to prove our love. You threw it all away when you decided I wasn’t good enough for you.

I can’t help but look at you and think about all the things you gave up. And how you did it.  
Let's take a step back and remember how you threw me away, shall we ?

 _"That’s not you, it’s me."_  
You know I love it when the news is bad. I feel good when things are going wrong. That's what I used to tell you. Guess I was wrong.  
Even one year and a half later I still can’t believe your words. 3 years in a relationship and all i’ve got is those shitty few words. We weren't in a movie H. You had no right to use those crapy words. I guess you didn’t have enough time to explain some more, as you took the first flight to Los fucking Angeles and you left me behind. You gave up on me, how funny is that ?

Do you remember when you couldn’t sleep, too scared not to find me in our bed when you would wake up ? The thing is I was always there, beside you.

Remember that tweet I once sent you ?  
 _"Always in my heart Harry_Styles. Yours sincerely, Louis_Tomlinson."_  
I was definitely not picturing this when I wrote those words. Just being a selfish 20 years-old prick who thought knew all about love and relationship. Truth is I was wrong. So wrong. I knew nothing. Nothing about love, nothing about you.

And here I am, looking at you, grinning like a 5 years old on Christmas, in front of my house. I can’t believe you are here.  
Can’t believe you just rushed from the airport to come and see ME.  
Can’t believe I am actually saying yes to those drinks.

What goes around comes around.  
Lovely sentence we used to hear everyday.  
I hope you still can hear my sarcasm. At least if i was talking I hope you would hear it.  
 _"You’re just a little shit Louis."_ That’s what you used to tell me every time I was snapping at you, being a drama queen or being too sarcastic. But you never let that sentence unfinished. Always had something more to add, something that made me feel loved and wanted. I guess everything changed when you left.

Anyway. Remember when Paul and the four others lads used to yell that at us ?  
 _"You’re going to get caught, we warned you enough. What goes around comes around."_  
Liam was the worth, obviously.

Never believed in that crapy sentence but I can’t help but think about it while listening to you now.

 _"I miss you Lou."_  
How ironic Harry. Do I get to tell you what I think too Haz ?  
Do I get to tell you how much I hate you for doing this to me all over again ? Do I get to tell you how many nights I spent all alone and crying like a child over you ? Do I get to tell you I had to call Zayn, Niall and Liam to get ride of your stuff because I was to weak to do it myself. How pathetic I was Harry. I am sure you would have laughed at me, being all heart broken and sad.  
Who am I joking ? I know you wouldn't have laughed. You would have hold me tight, pressing my head in the crop of your neck. Used to be my favorite place on earth. You were always so sensitive and gentle. Shit. God only knows how much i loved this part of you.

You’re not even letting me speak. How can it work when you’re not letting me speak Harry ?  
Look at you all tanned and beautiful. Sunny Los Angeles and fit blokes at your feet. Fits you right Love.

 _"I made a mistake Louis. I truly miss you. I think I missed you since the very beginning if I am being honest."_  
Hell no. We’re not getting there. Not a chance.  
You think you missed me all allong ? Here's the difference between the two of us Harry : You THINK you miss me when I am SURE I despise you and miss you at the same time. I am SURE I despise myself too you know.

 _"Remind me why we decided this was for the best again ?"_  
Well. I guess we’re going there then.  
Don’t play dumb H. You are way better than that. Even now.

Do you want me to remind you how YOU decided it was for the best ?  
Remind you how « lost » you were in this relationship of ours ?  
I think your exact words were _"It's not you, it's me. I feel trapped Louis. We’ve been together for 3 years and I think I fall out in love with you. Don’t look at me that way. I am sure you fall out of love too. It can’t be otherwise. Anyway, if you haven’t, you will soon. Don’t worry."_

Don’t worry. Ah. Three years in a relation ship and it all ended with three beautiful words.  
Don’t worry.  
Of course I was worried Harry. You left me all alone. You were just acting like a selfish bastard. Selfish bastard that you were. Are ?

1 year and a half of watching you go out with all these famous people. All these blokes.  
How many of them did you let have you ? How many of them actually touched you like I used to ? True gentleman you are. Never were able to say no. Always wanted to please everyone.  
You are a masterpiece H and I am not.

You were always too good for me. Too much for my own good H.  
Remember during our first night together, how you convince me to date you ?  
 _"You're beautiful Lou. Can't believe you are here with me. Don't say no. You've got such a low-esteem babe. But you know what ? You should date me. I've got enough ego for both of us."_  
Dimples everywhere and flirty eyes. Smart move.  
Truth be told, you never had to convince me Haz. I was a sure thing from the start.

That’s what I should tell you right now.  
Instead I just keep looking at you with wild eyes. At least I think I am.  
That doesn’t seem to stop you. You’re still talking about the "huge" mistake you made, your crapy life in "L.A". Really H ? L.A ?  
You’re telling me you’re not as happy as you used to be and I can’t help but snort.  
Don’t look at me like that, all shocked, just because it's the first sound i made since the beginning of our night. Our night. Does it feel wrong to you too ?

 _"Your T-Shirt lost its smell of you you know."_  
What are you even saying Harry ? It doesn't make any sens.  
Stop telling me things like that. I should tell you to stop.

_"And I miss you. I miss you Love."_

How am I supposed to react ? Tell me H because I am going to make a fool of myself. Should I throw my arms at your neck and kiss you hard ? Slap you in the face and go back to my lonely and sad sad life ? I am getting lost in here and you’re not helping. You’re so not helping Love.

You say you see the light now, that you are ready to come back for good. I wish the things you are saying didn’t matter. And I truly wish I didn’t give you all.  
I can’t seem to think straight and you neither apparently. You just keep telling me all kind of weird and nice things.

I am a mess.  
But so are you.

The less I react, the less confident you are. Truth to be told you look like you’re ready to cry. Must admit I kind of like this look on you.  
You were so sure about that, weren’t you ? You had all these pretty lines in your head, ready to throw them at me.  
And look at you now. you look like a young version of yourself. A young version of the successful Harry Styles. All kind and all timid.

_"Lou…Louis ? If I wanted silence i would whisper. If I wanted loneliness I would chose to go. Come on Louis, if I didn’t love you you would know. Louis ? Please."_

I can’t help but laugh. How weird is that. You’re telling me all these beautiful things I’ve been waiting to hear and all I can find to do is laugh. Guess you really broke me in there Love.

_"What are you laughing at ? Please be serious."_

Oh you shouldn’t have. You don’t get to come back here 1 year and a half later and tell me what to do Harry.  
You want me to be serious ? Here you go H.  
You left me alone. I felt like I knew you, like I owned your heart. At least a bit. I felt like I truly was part of your life. We were good together and it was completely shattered by you.  
Funny thing ? I didn’t see it coming. How sad is that ? You weren’t happy and I didn’t know about it. I was living the perfect life in my sweet and selfish world. You made me feel so crazy. You made me feel like it was all my fault. Like I wasn’t good enough for you. You left me in so much pain H.

You want to know the saddest thing about this story ? Despite the fact that I can’t seem to tell you all those words at loud ? I bet you do. You always wanted to know everything I had in my mind. Up here in my head.  
The thing is, you would know too if I didn’t miss you. Or love you. Or if I wanted silence.

Remember that famous tweet Harry. Once again. Let’s just go back to this tweet one more time.  
I was so wrong but so right at the same time.

You’re still in my heart and i am still yours Harry.  
And it’s killing me.

I should kick you out and tell you to never come back. I’ve moved out from our house H. I had to pack my stuff and leave. Do you at least know I’ve sold the house we used to live in together ? I guess you do, seing that you were at my house earlier tonight. It was bought by a lovely family. Two kids and one dog. You know that's always how I pictured us, right ? Being way too much in love, bein sappy as hell and with two mini you running around. I guess I wanted the very best for this house. How creepy is that.

 _"Don’t act like you don’t know me Lou. It’s still me, I never changed. My goal is to reach your hands any day now. I’ll be here when you come back."_  
There you go again. Can’t stop to talk can you ?  
Don't know how much time has passed since we got here. It feels like forever.

But that’s the thing Haz : You don’t have to wait until I come back.  
I am not going anywhere.

**How weak does that make me Harry ?**


End file.
